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Cuba fikir elok elok

..anda rasa anda dah cukup bersyukur?..

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

First Love

First love.

What is actually this first love means? Your first partner? Someone that you like in the first place? Or else?

For the past few years that I started to like the opposite gender in the serious term, I was wondering, did this person becomin my first love or this feeling was just an infatuation. Being heartbroken by the same guy within these 3 years had open my eyes, that this particular guy might be my first love. Someone that hardly to forget or ignored no matter how much heartache you got. 

*reflect*

I had this thought that the harder you try to forget someone, the memory attached to you become more intense. So I decided, I wont try harder to forget, instead, I just ignore his existance. Ignored anything related to him, and must I say, it worked, even it's not 100%. Still, rather than nothing, wasn't?

But everytime, the name appeared, you could never avoid the ache, the pain. Three years still not enough for you to put everything behind. You thought you did, but without you realised there was 1% that left. Then you cried knowing, no matter what you did or avoided, you still love him. Yet, he will never care wanting you because he want someone else.

*stop for a moment*

I will never deny, letting go is hard, the hardest I may say. It's like two choices lies in front of you. Hate him for not wanting you but still want to be friend, or, love him from afar by never being friend because being friend seems holding you back.

When one day you saw the name, and you are feelingless towards him, it's like a victory. You are able to move on, able to let go. Until a lady appear, a lady that became the reason behind each of your tears. The same lady that brought tears to him long ago. The heartache flow back. Only to realised that, letting go is not 100% completed, and you mad. Mad of yourself, and mad of them.

Madness that brought hatred in your heart. You want to hate, but you know hatred only will destroy you and your heart. You hate them, but nothing can change. Hatred is the proof, the fact that you yourself is still in the past, hold you back from letting go.

Knowing that, hating them by yourself will never be enough, because you can never leave that guy in ignorance. Madness that create some stupid ideas. Let them hate you. And they shall never return to you.

And that what I did. Stop hating, but the price? They hate you in return. And you bear the sin. 

Is this first love baby? Because my heart say so.



'You' are right about we should never known each other. But I will never regret knowing 'you' and fell in love. 'You' are a lesson I'd learnt, how could I regret all these. I'm only regretting that everything had to be in this way, a way that can leave peace to 'you', 'her' and me. =') 


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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Maksud mimpi


Halu there!

Sejak balik dari bercuti minggu lepas, terasa sangat malas nak bekerja dan buat kerja. Its like, the mood was dragged away.

Currently pun tengah update blog dalam office sambil atas meja penuh file. Nak tgk gambar? Haha

Oh ya, sambil buat kerja sambil dengar radio Hotfm. They talked about mimpi & hot5 pun pasal mimpi.

It reminises me about my dream past few years. Haha. Nah bagi korg baca balik mimpi apa yang aku maksudkan., [click here] Bila baca balik pasal mimpi tu, the description kinda suit the TRW guy I knew.

*terdiam*

Tiba tiba terfikir, apa maksud disebalik mimpi ni. Dulu pernah mimpi my 1st love's ex datang pujuk dia untuk bercinta balik. 3x. And now, its come true.

K la, gtg. Buat kerja, lunch hour pun dah lama berlalu.  Daaaaa


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Saturday, December 7, 2013

Decision


It might look as the worst decision ever. But I couldnt let the hatred to nested in my heart forever.

Its been three years passed. And the tears still rolling whenever the same matter come across.

I sincerely wanna say sorry. But I ended up saying stupid things again. In which I regretted those things mentioned.

Life would be easy if we let go. I tried hard, and I dont know why it never been easy. Perhaps hating me will ease this because hating only you is not enough.

And youre right about the last text you sent me.

**********************

You should let me know when you lost your hp.


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Thursday, October 31, 2013

That stupid ego


Every lil time, I put aside that stupid ego. Every lil time, I still wish.
Because God never take away that feeling from me.




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Thursday, October 17, 2013

Sebelah hati


Adakala sebelah hati mahukan sesuatu. Tapi sebelah hati tidak mahu mengambil risiko. Dan keduanya berbolak balik. 

Hati inginkan yang itu. Mungkinkah ada jodoh ke situ? Mungkinkah ada rezeki mencapai itu?

God bless us. Be grateful for who we are, be thankful for what God create us. :)
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Sunday, October 13, 2013

Aku nak anak anak macam ni


Pagi ni, bangun tidur. Dan teringatkan Ashley, our youngest lil princess back at home. My sis said, she's starting to becoming a garang girl. Haha. Bahaya ni broo, aku takut dengan budak yang garang. Toing toing toing.

So, bangun teringatkan Ashley, terus membuatkan aku terfikir. Kan orang kata, emosi kita, tingkahlaku kita masa pregant, akan mempengaruhi personaliti anak kita.

Terus aku berharap, nanti masa pregnant, aku kena kawal emosi aku, kena belajar banyak banyak bersabar, kena disiplinkan hati supaya rajin selalu, kena selalu fikir positif, banyakkan senyum, jangan marah marah.

Sebab aku nak anak aku jangan jadi macam certain kids yang kurang ajar. Walaupun aku tak yakin, aku boleh berubah macam kat atas ni, tapi aku akan berusaha ! Kalau perlu berkorban, aku akan buat ! Aku akan pastikan anak anak aku ada nilai moral yang sepatutnya seorang manusia ada. =')

So, bakal suami yang belum timbul timbul, mohon anda pun menyumbang yang sepatutnya untuk perkara di atas menjadi kenyataan. ^^,


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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Someone new.. Maybe?


October 3rd 2013.

Someone texting early in the morning , "Hai..ini iceq ke?"

And it started like that..


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Saturday, September 7, 2013

Kemarahan pertama aku dalam 11 bulan di tempat kerja

Hello there !

Ehem ehem

Hari ni Jumaat kan (baca: seawal entry ini dicipta), so semalam Khamis lah. Kisahnya semalam, aku bengang woooo. Clerk aku tak mau buat kerja aku bagi !

Kisahnya lagi, bermula Isnin depan, dia cuti seminggu. Document aku bagi kat dia untuk intimation aka register ada 107 yang aku kira lah. Aku bagi dari 20/8/2013, last bagi tak salah 30/8/2013 macam tu. Kiranya dah 2 minggu la kan dia simpan. Sedangkan semua tu sepatutnya di-register, di-open file dan diserahkan pada aku dalam tempoh 7 hari bekerja. So, aku boleh la proses dan proceed mana yang patut.

You know how the hell everything become sooooo annoying?

Kau (baca: clerk aku tu) nak cuti seminggu. Kerja aku bagi yang pending, dah 2minggu. Total dah 3minggu pending. Lepas tu, aku cakap baik baik, "Nanti you naik dari cuti, minggu tu I nak you siapkan semua tu ea, sebab I nak bagi payment pula". Almaklum la, pagi tu dia cakap kat aku "Esok (Jumaat) jangan bagi I kerja ea, I tak nak kerja banyak banyak esk". Ouch ! You know what she said to me after I told her to settle her job after her return?

Her, "I tak janji la Lyne, I rasa tak sempat (buat lepas balik dari cuti)"
Aku, "I nak you buat, nanti kalau bos tahu, bos marah tau, in the future mana kita tahu kalau bos dah tahu"
Her, "Dari bulan 5 dah macam ni, tak ada jadi issue pun kan"
Aku, "Hurm, you buat la mana you sempat, I tahu you boleh buat"
Her, "I tak boleh la Lyne, kalau you rasa macam tu, ikut you la, tapi I tak janji".

Lepas tu dia belah dari meja aku. Sel otak aku terus menjana macam macam benda. Bengang? Marah? Sakit hati? Yeah bebeh, semua tu aku tengah rasa.

So, aku pun pergi la mengadu dekat beberapa orang termasuk la ex staff yang pass aku portfolio aku ni. At the same time, dorg bagi pandangan so aku nampak la jalan apa aku patut buat dengan clerk aku ni.

Dorg semua marah. Sebab apa yang jadi, tak sepatutnya jadi. Tapi partially memang ada salah aku. Sebab aku bagi muka sangat. Pastu aku tak sepatutnya biarkan issue ni berlanjutan. Tapi aku biarkan. Macam barah la. Makin kau biar, makin memakan badan, ye dak. In this case, the person aku bagi muka, makan aku balik.

So, 1 of my colleague bagi cadangan, "Lyne bagi je note besar besar 'Intimate by today!!', sekali dengan documents atas meja dia, lepas tu jangan kawan dia". Maksud jangan kawan tu, jangan borak la sebenarnya. Sebab aku selalu borak dengan clerk aku ni. Bila dah selalu borak, dia layan kita macam kawan, lepas tu kerja kita pun dia buat macam kawan juga la. Itu yang selamba badak tak nak buat.

Klimaks kemarahan aku sebenarnya bila dia kata "benda ni tak pernah jadi issue". Memang benda tu tak pernah jadi issue dari bos, sebab aku tak pernah bagitau bos. Ye la, benda kautim kan. Tapi tak sangka pula, sampai naik lemak. Aku pula bangang siap offer diri tolong open file, so dia tinggal intimate je. Aku ingat bila ada org tolong open file, cepat la dia buat keja intimation dia. Aku tengok sama juga. Ber-bundle bundle haaa documents aku yang pending, sebab dia kata dia tak ada masa nak buat. File exec lain, cepat pula. Sampai tang file aku, terus tak ada masa, tak sempat, blablabla.

Hari ni, dia langsung tak datang meja aku. Aku dah set dah, kalau dia bising, tak nak buat, memang on the spot, aku tarik dia pergi jumpa bos. Tengok la jadi issue ke tak. Tapi dia tak ada pun datang jumpa aku or cakap pape. Just masa nak balik tu, dia datang jumpa masa aku nk scan document, bagitau, file urgent dia letak atas meja, yang lain tu dia tak letak. Aku pun ok kan aje la. Malas pula aku nak cakap banyak banyak.

Masa aku nak balik, aku tengok meja dia, sebab aku tak nampak file bertimbun, file aku la maksud aku. Rupanya dia tak open file, dia intimate je. Dasar sungguh. Aku dah cakap aku nak proceed for payment, boleh pula dia main tinggal je. Oh ya, note besau tu aku cakap "Pls register by today. Need to procced for payment.", sebab aku tak sampai hati pula nak cakap kasar kasar. So aku tulis la ala ala neutral gitu. Sekali, hambik kau, dia intimate sajo, file tak buka. Pffft

Bila bos strict dengan orang bawah dia, sebenarnya bersebab. Dan ya, aku baru sedar benda tu sekarang. Come on, aku kerja pun tak sampai lagi setahun. Baru genap setahun 2 bulan aku meninggalkan dunia belajar. Tu pun tak setahun lagi graduate dari zaman muda remaja universiti. Banyak lagi benda aku kena belajar. Dan terus terang, what happened here is actually 1 thing yang melekat sebagai pengalaman bekerja. 

So, ayuh la kita berharap, lepas ni Sadeline jangan bangang melantun lantun ya baik sangat dengan clerk awak tu. Jangan bagi dia makan awak kali kedua. Kang dari kurus kecil tu, terus tinggal sumsum tulang je, sebab tulang pun dia makan sampai habis jugak.

Ada org tanya, siapa kerja dulu? Aku ke dia (baca lagi: clerk aku tu) ? Ye, dia memang dah kerja kat company tu 15tahun. Aku baru 11 bulan. Disebabkan dia dah 15tahun bekerja la, dia patut sedar procedure. And yes bebeh, dengan exec lain dia sedar procedure, dengan aku je dia hilang ingatan. Intimation tu apa? 7days compliance tu apa? Haaa, 2 soalan tu la kot dok main dalam kepala dia kalau nampak muka aku ni bagi kerja. Dan disebabkan aku exec kepada dia, aku la antara orang yang bagi kerja untuk dia buat. Nak tak nak, dia kena buat juga. So, seniority is never an issue here. Even kalau aku bagi file kat superior aku pun untuk approval, dorg tak adanya nak simpan sampai 3minggu kau tau, paling lama pun seminggu. Itu pun sebab meja dorg dah jadi cam KLCC tu ha, file menimbum. 

Minggu ni memang minggu panas. Tambah pula lampu ruang tamu ni semua dah jadi lampu disco. Berkelip kelip je, so aku buka lampu dapur je untuk menerangi segenap rumah ni. Pagi tadi pula, BGP kena clamp., maybe sebab tarik handbrake, pssst aku buat double parking. Rasa bersalah. Tapi pada masa yang sama, aku hairan, macam mana kereta aku block tu keluar. Sebab masa aku tengok pagi tadi, kotak parking aku block tu dah kosong. Towing? Aku pun naik balik ambil kunci kereta, plan balik dari kerja nak suruh release kereta (tak buat pun petang tadi), sampai kat gate apartment, baru perasan tag kerja pula tertinggal. Terpaksa patah balik. Aku rasa nak muntah dah, sebab kalau penat mengejut, aku ada tendency nak muntah. Masuk ofis pun lambat 15 minit hari ni. 

Sekian bebelan saya. Tunggu tahun depan pula untuk bebelan seterusnya.



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Saturday, August 24, 2013

Nasi Kerabu Makcik Pasar Malam Bangi


Hye there,

Sesungguhnya pada malam ini, sabtu bersamaan, hari pasar malam Bangi, saya mengidam nasi kerabu makcik yang sedap tu. :(


Ini gambar tahun 2011. Tahun kegemilangan menggilai nasi kerabu. Kak Syima la yang introduced nasi kerabu makcik ni dulu. Lauk aku ambil semua sama; daging bakar & telur masin, sambal tak mahu. Sambal makcik ni pedas, jadi aku selalu request tak mau sambal. Budu ok. Sebab budu sikit, tak ada rasa sangat.

Kalau ikutkan pasar malam Bangi kat Seksyen 1 tu, Selasa & Sabtu. Tapi Selasa kan kerja, so kalau nak pergi, Sabtu la. Hari ni, tak sempat. Tadi pergi ofis kejap siapkan kerja, lepas tu pergi beli barang kat Carrefour. Makanya, terpaksa la tunggu Sabtu depan. Tapi itu pun tak tahu boleh pergi ke tak. Petang tu ada budak gemok nak bertunang, tak tahu sempat ke tak nak pergi. Kalau sempat, tak tahu jugak kalau bebudak ni free tak nak sesama pergi pasar malam. Sebab ingat nak makan kat sana, kalau bawak balik, macam tak sedap pulak. Makan sensorang, macam forever alone sangat. Harapkan Silver tu, ermmm, terima kasih sajo la. Ini pun tak nampak batang hidung. Dok melepak dekat tingkap dapur sajo kerja.

Dulu masa duduk Bangi, almost everyweek beli nasi kerabu ni. Memang tahap gila la minat. Bila dah naik final year, pindah KL, setahun tu, rasanya 2x je kot makan. Sebab dah jarang pergi Bangi. Kalau pergi pun, bukan Sabtu & selalunya sebab ada urusan. 

Saya rindu nasi kerabu makcik ! Air liur terasa meleleh dah ni. Sobsobsob
\
Saya harap ada rezeki minggu depan dapat makan nasi kerabu ni. Amen ~


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Thursday, July 18, 2013

Crazy surprise from Ipoh, Perak


Hello there !

So, today 18.07.2013 is my follow-up appointment at KPJ Kuching. My sister and I just got into her car when I received this one unknown call. Since the code was 082-******, I first thought it was the hospital, so I picked up. Apparently, it wasn't. It was the florist, and he said "Nak hantar bunga, ada di rumah?".

We waited at the shop lot opposite the Summer Mall, because we found it hard for the florist to reach our home. Due to some circumstances of direction. 

Tadaaaaaa !


She was my classmate when we were degree students. It was a SURPRISE ! Because I never expected her to actually give me something like this. Come on. I am here at Sarawak, she's at Perak. Even a boyfriend didn't do this. Oh ya, the second name is her fiance. That's my papa. And I call her Mama. Ha ha.

This is way too lovely. Because when the florist gave a call, the 1st thing came across my mind was, "Company ke bagi bunga?". 

I actually didn't tell anyone about my hospitalisation, except few. But one day, she whatapps-ed me asking things. If you remember the status I was up to around last week in my FB, "Hard to keep the secret when the questions come from former forensic classmates. Because you know, they know much about your pain that you try to hide.", I was referring her. She was one of those who saw who I was the past 4 years. I never thought they ever knew I was crying during the classes, until one of them saying, "Lyne, ktorg tau".='(

Oh God. Everyhting is flashing back. I miss everyone !!!! And yes, I still hate you for being the reason of my broken heart.


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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Relationship: My life is a crack.


Hi.

I was about to write anything come across. But my mind seems as, mindless. Blergh.

Relationshp. Quite some times isn't did not talk about this so called serious thingy. Ting tong.

Whenever any relationship went to Dumpster, it took me maybe a month (?), or two (?) to re-think and re-flash. And the old relationship, never never never pick it back. Picking it back might make you happy, but in the end, you'll regret everything.

And to think of everything again, there is a big point, any one of us will have to take one huge break and rest. And stop thinking. Here, I make the thinking. I should stop having all the nonsense crappy relationship. I promised myself I will enjoy my life-which-gonna-full-of-money to the fullest. But hey ! What I'm doing?? Being sober about a guy who never appreciate me?? Pfffft ! 

I should put the working life ahead, right? We are no longer the teenages who read books, or went to movie when there's new movie comes out. Or stay late at night, watching RunningMan non-stop. We are grownups. 

We shouldn't put relationship ahead. Unless you're married. Another story. But this lovey dovey things, I hate them. 

Continued... I hope there's a continuity.. Have a good day peeps !



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Thursday, July 4, 2013

Cry at the workplace, who did that?


Hi.

It's kinda late already actually, but I am eager to posting here !

I was crying at the office today. Being sensitive all of sudden. But I'm glad, the one problem occured is settled. Thanks to my dearest boss aka manager for arranging the thing for me. I'm touched. ='(

The problem was, I cried when everyone was busy for this birthday and employee of the month event ! People eating and my tears kept on floating on my eyes. Urgh. Until this one beautiful medical staff appraoched me and started to talk bout that 'thing', I guess the empangan is cracking up. Phew.

Just hope everything turn smooth and good news following ahead. 

Cheers !
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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Mistakes, People do that.


Mistakes.

Everyone did that. Who didn't? 

The point is, do you know that you're doing a mistake? Or mistakes? You will never knew actually. You might think you know, but then you never be sure 100% that will be a mistake or not.

Then, to know if what you're gonna do is a mistake, you have to do that mistake first to make sure it is a mistake. You will never knew if that is actually never be a mistake. 

Do it, then you will be sure it is a mistake. Done the mistake, then you will never repeat it.

Another point. Just do what your heart desires. Make the mistake. But don't regret it. Be grateful. God is directing your heart to learn the life.

Cheer up !

Psssst. I love you babe. Still love you. *wink*
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Friday, June 28, 2013

Don't look back with regret.


Never look back with regret. Look forward with hope. But, always, always, and always glance at your back for a better view for the greater future.

I was writing this one thing. Then I erase them. Cause I was thinking, talking bout useless past is definitely useless. Held your head high, and walk with pride.

I miss someone deeply. I wish I have this Doraemon pocket and use his magic door so I can stand in front of him. Then, I will travel again and hug her, her and her. Ouch ! I miss my Ashley !

I hope I can go back next week. Crossing my fingers tightly ! Cause MAS is offering RM2 for the seat !!! 

And let me share a thing with you guys. My dearest bestfriend, the only male bestfriend I ever have will have his posting at Sarawak, my home state. Which area, still unknown, but I wechat him said, "Minta minta awak dapat pedalaman yang tak ada internet dan line hp. Padan muka. Hahaha". 

Kejam? That's the point of having a bestfriend.

Tomorrow is final FA Cup between JDT and TRW. *Hope I spell everything right* Please take care of yourself while watching the live match. 

And you peeps, take care as well. Live your life well ya.


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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Why bother fixing the broken mirror?


I have no idea the day I fell in love. Or it is actually not falling in love but just infatuation?

Well. Life never been easy to know.

There's a saying that said relationship is like the mirror. Once you break it, it can never be the same as before.

And because of that, I'm letting past to stay in past. Even the past is yet to reach its one month anniversary. If it was meant to be, I'm sure God had plan the best for us. The best preparation to face the life ahead. Thus, I decided not to fix what's broken, as the broken may reminds us our faulty. A faulty that makes us to be more careful and cautious.

"Tak seindah hiasan pertama"

Awak.

Awak sememangnya tak seindah yang pertama (read: budak yang tinggalkan aku macam sampah), kerana keindahan awak berganda dari dia. Untuk itu, saya sayang awak lebih !

By the way, kalau dah tinggalkan macam sampah, indah lagi ke? Bukan busuk dah? *Raised left eyebrow*



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Monday, June 24, 2013

My mixed day.


My day today started with a nice mood. Even the haze is getting worse. And worsen by evening. Went to work, with tonnes of files and documents, I still can manage to handle that you know. But when outsider seems to think they have the power on us and push us to do the work, that is never looked cool ok. 

My mood turned to be not in a good shape. 

My bos came to my workstation. And she asked, "How? What else you're waiting for?". I just giggled. Well bos, tonnes of works and I'm kinda malas. But I'l make sure to have a date with the doctor by tomorrow.

My sister also texted me the same thing. "Tanya doctor kalau boleh buat kat Kuching, lagi baik kalau boleh balik". I was actually like that idea. I can cuddle with Ashley then !

I left the office at 7. At home, I was thinking again about my sister's text. Wait, if I head back home, mostly it will be around fortnight time and who's going to take care of Silver?!

Screw me. Mr YNWA, I really need you. Damnly.

Or should I send her to my brother's? 

Non-stop workload made me as hungry as tiger. I thought to buy myself the dinner instead of own cooking. But, my colleague called and said she left her dinner under her desk and told me to bring them home. 

Rezeki yang tak disangka sangka aite..


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Sunday, June 23, 2013

My night of dull life.


Today, I went to Bangi. Fixed some things, went to pasar malam and had dinner with my dear classmate. Bought this one nasi kerabu which was my favourite during my degree years. The nasi kerabu of my kegilaan. And I'm glad, it still taste the same. Happy.

On the way back home, I drove fast, slow, fast and slow. Fast because some kind of habit. Slow because my fuel meter is reaching it's red line. And to go to petrol station at 10.30pm is definitely not the thing I wanna do. So, I went straight to home.

During the driving moment, undeniable, my mind flew to some other places. Him. For a few reason, I didn't think much of him, but tonight? Please slap my face and tell me to go to Hell.

Once reaching home, my mind flew to my family. Been thinking of one decision. Hope this coming Monday give me a better peace of mind to decide. God bless everything. May Him ease all the hardship I'm going to through. 

And you babe, would like to hear few words from yours. I might say I don't wanna hear them, but deep inside, I'm dying. LOL-ing me please. TQ.

God bless my family and friends. And bless 'him' as well, he's the heart I'm treasuring. :)
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Saturday, June 22, 2013

Jealous and trust.


It's either you get jealous or you're over it.

Just finish the last episode of Awkward in my keep. Not the final episode, but the last episode I retrieved from Ev. This time, Jenna talked about trust.

It makes me to conclude 1 thing. Trust without jealousy is bad. Jealousy itself is enough to be labelled as bad. Trust that stands by its own is bad as &E#*$#@#

Then, when you rebalance the trust and the jealousy, it creates harmony. Harmony of the relationship. Sounds sweet aite? Good to agree.

I have bad relationship because I'm freaky jealous of my own partner. But, after years, I did evolved. Being with 'him', I change the jealousy into trust. It takes me some effort but I did. Then the problem came. Evolution can never be easy if your man never support you. Trust me. So dear gentleman, please support your lady.

However, not having even 1% of jealousy is a bit something somewhere wrong in there. I see that as why-should-I-care thingy. Which means, you're over it. You don't care, and you're don't even bother to know.

Please have a good weekend dearie. I'm gonna enjoy mine without any regrets !




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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Berubah?


People might told you, "Berubahlah awak". Told you once or told you twice. CHANGE, CHANGE & CHANGE.

Some people, they think changing is easy. Phewwww. Changing can be easy in some circumstances, some might be hard.

I just wish you're there helping me to change. But nahh, guess you're just too busy by your own. Might had thought, what's the point of holding on, if your love one never be there to help you to stand? Or atleast support you so the change you want to do will be easier.

Ignorance.

Frankly to say, I want to change. Deeply want. Because I want to be the best for us. But, well, 'strong' is not yet to define me. I'm still not affordable to do it by myself. So, I guess I'll just back off. Maybe that's what you want me to do. Back off.

Please take a good care of yourself. Will always love you babe..



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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I believe and I love


I believe differences shouldn't be a major problem. 

Football can never be my top list favourite, but you are the craziest bout football.

Spend the night at home is what I preferably do, but you play futsal almost every night.

Stay home on weekend is what I always want to do, but you go for soccer the whole weekend.

Texting the one I adore is what I love to do, but you are not the texting person.

Spicy food is another I'm avoiding, but you love the spicy one.

Shisha smoke might kill my nose, but you are a shisha addicted.

Be home early when tomorrow is working day, but you can stay all night long hanging outside.

I am easy to pissed off and say harsh stuffs, but you always come back to me.

Above all, I still wanna love you till God say "Enough for both of you". =')

And I believe, when you want to love someone, you will stick together, never counting all the differences or opposition as the obstacles.

And I wish you'll be the same. ^.^

*Aku tak kan minta pada Tuhan untuk dibagi seseorang yang punya banyak persamaan. Cukup sekadar yang sedap mata memandang, dan tenang hati bila difikirkan. *wink*



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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Bored you.


Long time ago, so called 'gentlemen' complaint of my life. Katanya, "Sampai mati aku takkan lupa sal orang desperate dengan pet, blablabla". Oh, terima kasih la sebab ingat aku sampai mati. Terharu (?)

Then, dia cakap lagi, "Sian, obese gila dengan pet, lonely gile sampai mati". Eh? HA HA HA HA HA HA

Obese or obses?

Oh, ada lagi dia cakap. "Obses dgn binatang smpai xdpt nk enjoy kehidupan sebenar. Lama sgt lonely agk nya."

Well, atleast me being lonely, I dont go playing around with somebody's heart then enjoying my life by breaking theirs . You most probably getting bored with your own life that you messed up with mine. I mean, whatis  it that the talk bout my cat can ever intrude your life? My cat is definitely never fuck with your life right?

You can just unfollow my twitter or unfriend my fb. The power is within your hand to press the button. Or you just want me to press it? I AM MORE THAN PLEASED TO DO SO. Thanks alot for the 'compliment'.
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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Regret


There is one single thing that I regret each day I'm breathing. With the wonder will God forgive me ever. Yet, I still linger around it whenever the chance comes.

Sin.

Dosa.

Siapa yang tak pernah berdosa? *bunyi macam lirik lagu* Sesuatu yang berat untuk diperkatakan. But don't ever stop seeking forgiveness and repent. 

Give me strong heart to chase away the evil desire. Give me high patient to face the trial. 

Tanpa sedar, aku dah gagal dalam setiap ujian yang Dia bagi. 
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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Stay away


Just please let me live my life in peace. I hate knowing your life progress coincidently. And never appear upon me ever, will ya?

Just stay away forever !
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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Today is a hard day


Dalam minggu ni, asal balik dari kerja, sampai rumah, jam mencecah 6, mesti rasa nak menyahtinja. Nak kata diarrhea, tak ada pula perut ni memulas mulas. Hurmm

Dan setiap kali masuk ke tandas, mula la otak berputar putar menyulam idea. Fikir ini, fikir itu, fikir awak, eh. Selangkah keluar dari tandas, poof ! hilang lah semua idea yang disimpul simpul.

Today was a hard day. Semua benda pun nak urgent. And ya, some of the delays were my fault. Lambat nak attend, padahnya marketing kejar, client kejar. Nasib baik tak kejar sampai ke toilet ye dak, aih

Hari yang sama ini juga, kena bebel dengan one of my colleague. So my mood was down. Terbang membelah awan. Then few colleagues asked kenapa aku senyap je. Mood tara ma, kerja pula main kejar kejar. Nak mengadu pun, mengadu dalam tetttt je mampu, kalau nak mengadu dengan manusia, haram jee

Pelik. Selama ni aku banyak mulut ke dalam ofis? Aku pendiam kot. LOL.

Today is definitely not my day. My heart desires to meet someone. But my smart brain yell at me "He left, why bother chasing??!". Ok, I'm following my brain. My heart is acting stupid now. Don't listen to her !

Dah la lidah sakit, ada luka and it's hurtttttttt T_T

Dalam minggu yang sama ini jugak kan, asyik lapar tau. Please don't tell me my saka is back to my stomach. LOL. Remembered old days. The pegawai at my practical agency said we bela saka because we're eating too much and still complaining of hunger.

Talk bout hungry. Terasa nak makan kat luar. Tapi tak tahu nak ajak siapa. Orang terdekat yang harus diajak adalah dia yang selalu balik lewat dari kerja. Sampai Sunway pun dah pukul 9. Jam 9 bermakna mata aku dah tinggal suku nak buka. (Konon je tinggal suku buka, tapi bukannya reti nak tidur awal pun, blergh !)

Dalam banyak kawan rapat aku, dia yang paling dekat dan paling penting, kenapa dia asyik balik lewat?? I am sadddddddd.

Today is definitely a hard day for me..
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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

First cut hurts, second?


Who knows past two weeks, my life is in a miserable state but today, i never wake up without a smile. Last night, I slept quite early, but this morning I was sooooo didn't want to awake. Weird.

"First cut is the deepest"

Lyric from a song. But I can't recall the song title. Go googling by yourself please. Heh. It's true if people said, the very first cut is the deepest. When it comes to second, third and onwards, the cut is like an ant bite.

My first cut, had dragged my body weight from 35kg to 31kg. Reduced by 4kg in total. Surprise? You should. That's why I hate the most him who broke my heart that turned out to be my first cut culprit. He gave me this very drastic changes. Not just my body weight, but my total life. 

Ok, don't drop your jaw when you read my weight used to be 31kg ok ! Or knowing that my weight was originally 35kg. Dush you !

"Fall in love when your are ready, not when you're lonely"

For the last two weeks, I've been in a blank dillema. Should I holding on or moving on? If you're thinking I still stick to the first one, aip ! You are wrong. I moved on. But meeting someone new had turned to be the same. So, decided. I let go this second one. Why bother staying if it's just you fighting for it? Maybe I'm not ready for this kind of relationship. I'm bad in it, trust me, I am really bad.

"I won't be choosing the past, I am choosing the present, I choose you"

But apparently, you are choosing another. Ok, I lied. I don't know if 'he' is choosing another. Well, my hobby is making stupid assumption after all. Blergh.

For me, past is past, let it remains such. Why bother picking up old stuff, old memories when you have another choice of making a new one. New one might better, might greater. People said, why bother reading the same book over again? You already know the story line. Bored.

So, I hope any past memories, please don't come back. You are not welcomed. 

Talking bout 'past'. Or ex-partner precisely. My love asked me, "Macam mana kalau ex aku masuk meminang?" and blablabla in her text to me a moment ago. So I replied her, "Kau mungkin akan jilat ludah kau balik, tapi better dari tunggu benda tak pasti". 

Yep, I answered her that. Even I don't really encourage, and I really mean it I hate the one that come back to his/her past, it's not us (read: outsider) to decide their happiness. If past is what you seek the most, of course you can give it another try. You know, people can say whatever and that people include me. But it's you yourself that determine what the best for you to carry on.

Well, if present sucks, you should sometimes turn your head to the back and take a short glance. Might be what lied at the back is the turning point of your happiness. Only God knows.

But still, for me, you should explore the future FIRST. Don't keep the past bothering you and keep you imprison. That is more sucker than cleaning your pet's toilet.

My first cut used to be a reason I scared to fall asleep. The feeling is rather awkward and confusing  When you close your eyes at the night, unknown shadow chasing you. When you open you eyes in the morning, the silent loneliness hug you tightly that you can't breath. Feel want to cry, but the tears refuse to take the flow out.

But now, hey, I'm normal. Heart broken can be a piece of cake if you don't give a damn. But to trust again, allow me to think about it 100 times first. Perhaps that's the reason why the second cut didn't leave a scar. I don't trust and I don't give a damn when he left.

Look forward babe ! Don't stay in the 'past' prison. You should free yourself !





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Sunday, March 10, 2013

When you let someone in, it can means anything.


There is always a first time in everything. Include letting someone new in. And all you're thinking, is just the best to happen.

I had someone who had come after a damage occured to my home. But then he left after he add in the damage. Well, thanks to you dear. And congrate as well for destroying. What you had done is a great magnificent art.

I guess above words are hard to be understood. Ignore. Thanks.

The moment you block someone entrance to your heart, you are actually avoiding additional damage. And that is what I was doing. And that is also a thing I had forgot to defend of.

Jerk is always a jerk. Gentleman is always a gentleman.

Don't blind yourself with fake love. Why bother mourning about someone who never recognize you anymore? He move on, get himself new girlfriend, but you? Crying all night. Well, used to be in that situation. And all I can recall, stupid me. Yes babe, holding on to someone who had removed your scent from their heart is definitely stupid and pathetic.

Define me as not believing in love? Sorta. I'm a bit losing to what is love actually. Define love as 'man to woman love' that we're talking about. We're not talking bout family yet. 

Someone right had said, it's not the love that fake, but the human themselves. Had put me into thinking. If you convert it into "Save the Earth" thingy, the concept is there. Human is responsible for all the damage on Earth.

And he's right, it's human that poison the love. Love should be pure. Because love come from God. Anything that come from God is good and beneficial. 

If only I had the gut to trust again.

Another page of letting someone in, you want some changes. And you are hoping this new person can give you happiness; change the sorrow to joy. I had her entering my life, the one I used to ignore the existence. Because I'm not good in maintaining a good relationship. But this lady, she's great. 

She had my trust and for God sake, I am not asking that our friendship last forever, I just let them flow. There are many times, countless perhaps that I always say in my prayer, "I wanna keep this friendship forever". In the end, I think you know what happen next.

She annoys me many times. But none of the annoying matter had drag my love. Because both us knew, why you want to sacrifice something worthy for something not even mean anything. Normal human gets annoy. We're not robot by the way. So until this day, this hour and this minute, I'll be just ok with her annoying behavior. I love you-know-who-you-are.

Lets stop babbling here. See you around !



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I wake up today with bright smile: Nothing actually happen


Wake up with a bright smile today. Seeing Silver (read: my cat) laying next to me is kinda a feel of relaxing. Adore her crazily ! Even she's sometimes a kind of "Mama, I wanna bite you hard !!" and me gonna be "Stay away from meeeeee !!!" type. Yes, my cat is the scariest creature you might known.

It's Sunday. Been weeks that I stayed inside when it was Sunday. But today, nah, got to go somewhere. My company arranging a bowling tournament. *wink* I'll be in my veteren colleague group. Haha. I was actually replacing my colleague, she can't make it as she afraid getting tired of yesterday family day.

I wasn't sure if I'll update you guys of this activity. Cut it off.

I had few nugget left in my fridge. Take it out, throw them directly inside the hot pan. A bite, taste weird. Hey, my nugget seems cooked at the outside but the inside? The cold of fridge is still there. The heck?

I should left it unfrozen 1st aite? LOL at me.

Everyday I wonder, what the best thing gonna happen today? Hurm, I just hope it's not a bad thingy, most important. If any good thing happen, credit to God. He's the best to plan our day isn't?

Had you ever heard a cat playing the guitar? Cause my Silver just did. Ok, not the playing song kind of playing, but she strum the string. In the other words, her play (read: stuff she play with) is on the strings. Just try to imagine it if you can't get the picture. Cause I'm not good in explaining.

I just admit my Silver is sometimes acting weird. Perhaps she forget she is not a human but a cat? She sleep with this human kind of pattern. Maybe it's just normal. But did other cats did that?

I can never deny, my cat is my entertainer. Fight with her, yelling at her, cuddling her. She keep me accompany. The best to happen to me at the moment. And I will be reminded, my life is not sucked. It just had its upside down. *smile*





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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Y.O.U


Adakala, kita cuba lari jauh jauh. Tapi ia datang kembali menuntut. Adakala kita tolak ke tepi sepuasnya. Tapi ia tetap mengintai dan menarik. 

CINTA

I will never choose the past, I will be choosing the present. And I am choosing you. =')

Perempuan. Mudah terusik hatinya. Kan? Mudah menangis. Kan? 

Ah, lupakan.

Bercakap pasal cinta dan manusia berlainan jantina, adalah satu perkara yang terlalu tidak terbatas. Senang kata, complicated. Bertambah complicated, kalau satu pihak terlalu paranoid dengan satu hubungan (aku la tu). 

Mungkin ada yang beranggapan, "Cool apa boleh berkawan balik dengan ex". Ya, cool sangat. Kalau ex tu ajak bercinta balik, dan kau pun terima, memang cool la jilat ludah sendiri.

Dalam pada otak aku ada percaturan yang macam di atas, aku cuba untuk letakkan lebih dari 50% kepercayaan yang 'dia' hanya berkawan dengan ex 'dia'. Tapi, biasa la perempuan. Bukan perempuan namanya kalau dalam setahun, hati dia tak pernah bergelodak. Akan ada satu masa, benda yang berkenaan sebenarnya dah tak jadi isu, boleh jadi isu balik.

Blergh. Perempuan sangat.

"Aku cuma minta, jangan didatangkan seseorang yang hatinya merasakan terbeban dengan karenah aku yang  mungkin entah apa apa"

Ada seorang manusia mengatakan, "Lin dah patut kahwin" sebab hati aku asyik sayu. Sayu? Mungkin stress kerja. Dan 'dia' yang asyik hilang.

Maaflah, entri kali ni tercampak campak pulak isi. Lama dah tak mengarang esei katanya. 

"I'll definitely never put you as my priority. Because you obviously put me as an option"




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Sunday, January 27, 2013

Our pretty lady with my 5th brother.


These were actually the photos taken while I went home last Christmas. ^^
Ashley is our new niece and this was our 1st Christmas with her. She was 6 months old that time. And she was actually had fever. I found out these photos, well, kinda fun to look at. LOL ~

I miss you baby !


Uncle, you give me that puting, why you open your mouth so broad??


Why uncle? Why? Why you look at me like that?


Uncle, dont smile like that please.. Pretty pleaseeeee ~


Gulp ! That scary. Why my uncle smile scarily like that?


Where's my busu? Oh, there she is, holding her phone as always.


Busu, please help me. Helppppppp. Dont just sit there taking picture !


You are the little angel sent to us, bring the sparkling joy and happiness. God bless you dearie, may the grown up of you will create more love. You'll be the lady that stand up within Lord path, a lady that always believe in God plan. :)

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