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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

First cut hurts, second?

Who knows past two weeks, my life is in a miserable state but today, i never wake up without a smile. Last night, I slept quite early, but this morning I was sooooo didn't want to awake. Weird.

"First cut is the deepest"

Lyric from a song. But I can't recall the song title. Go googling by yourself please. Heh. It's true if people said, the very first cut is the deepest. When it comes to second, third and onwards, the cut is like an ant bite.

My first cut, had dragged my body weight from 35kg to 31kg. Reduced by 4kg in total. Surprise? You should. That's why I hate the most him who broke my heart that turned out to be my first cut culprit. He gave me this very drastic changes. Not just my body weight, but my total life. 

Ok, don't drop your jaw when you read my weight used to be 31kg ok ! Or knowing that my weight was originally 35kg. Dush you !

"Fall in love when your are ready, not when you're lonely"

For the last two weeks, I've been in a blank dillema. Should I holding on or moving on? If you're thinking I still stick to the first one, aip ! You are wrong. I moved on. But meeting someone new had turned to be the same. So, decided. I let go this second one. Why bother staying if it's just you fighting for it? Maybe I'm not ready for this kind of relationship. I'm bad in it, trust me, I am really bad.

"I won't be choosing the past, I am choosing the present, I choose you"

But apparently, you are choosing another. Ok, I lied. I don't know if 'he' is choosing another. Well, my hobby is making stupid assumption after all. Blergh.

For me, past is past, let it remains such. Why bother picking up old stuff, old memories when you have another choice of making a new one. New one might better, might greater. People said, why bother reading the same book over again? You already know the story line. Bored.

So, I hope any past memories, please don't come back. You are not welcomed. 

Talking bout 'past'. Or ex-partner precisely. My love asked me, "Macam mana kalau ex aku masuk meminang?" and blablabla in her text to me a moment ago. So I replied her, "Kau mungkin akan jilat ludah kau balik, tapi better dari tunggu benda tak pasti". 

Yep, I answered her that. Even I don't really encourage, and I really mean it I hate the one that come back to his/her past, it's not us (read: outsider) to decide their happiness. If past is what you seek the most, of course you can give it another try. You know, people can say whatever and that people include me. But it's you yourself that determine what the best for you to carry on.

Well, if present sucks, you should sometimes turn your head to the back and take a short glance. Might be what lied at the back is the turning point of your happiness. Only God knows.

But still, for me, you should explore the future FIRST. Don't keep the past bothering you and keep you imprison. That is more sucker than cleaning your pet's toilet.

My first cut used to be a reason I scared to fall asleep. The feeling is rather awkward and confusing  When you close your eyes at the night, unknown shadow chasing you. When you open you eyes in the morning, the silent loneliness hug you tightly that you can't breath. Feel want to cry, but the tears refuse to take the flow out.

But now, hey, I'm normal. Heart broken can be a piece of cake if you don't give a damn. But to trust again, allow me to think about it 100 times first. Perhaps that's the reason why the second cut didn't leave a scar. I don't trust and I don't give a damn when he left.

Look forward babe ! Don't stay in the 'past' prison. You should free yourself !

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