First cut hurts, second?

Who knows past two weeks, my life is in a miserable state but today, i never wake up without a smile. Last night, I slept quite early, but this morning I was sooooo didn't want to awake. Weird.

"First cut is the deepest"

Lyric from a song. But I can't recall the song title. Go googling by yourself please. Heh. It's true if people said, the very first cut is the deepest. When it comes to second, third and onwards, the cut is like an ant bite.

My first cut, had dragged my body weight from 35kg to 31kg. Reduced by 4kg in total. Surprise? You should. That's why I hate the most him who broke my heart that turned out to be my first cut culprit. He gave me this very drastic changes. Not just my body weight, but my total life. 

Ok, don't drop your jaw when you read my weight used to be 31kg ok ! Or knowing that my weight was originally 35kg. Dush you !

"Fall in love when your are ready, not when you're lonely"

For the last two weeks, I've been in a blank dillema. Should I holding on or moving on? If you're thinking I still stick to the first one, aip ! You are wrong. I moved on. But meeting someone new had turned to be the same. So, decided. I let go this second one. Why bother staying if it's just you fighting for it? Maybe I'm not ready for this kind of relationship. I'm bad in it, trust me, I am really bad.

"I won't be choosing the past, I am choosing the present, I choose you"

But apparently, you are choosing another. Ok, I lied. I don't know if 'he' is choosing another. Well, my hobby is making stupid assumption after all. Blergh.

For me, past is past, let it remains such. Why bother picking up old stuff, old memories when you have another choice of making a new one. New one might better, might greater. People said, why bother reading the same book over again? You already know the story line. Bored.

So, I hope any past memories, please don't come back. You are not welcomed. 

Talking bout 'past'. Or ex-partner precisely. My love asked me, "Macam mana kalau ex aku masuk meminang?" and blablabla in her text to me a moment ago. So I replied her, "Kau mungkin akan jilat ludah kau balik, tapi better dari tunggu benda tak pasti". 

Yep, I answered her that. Even I don't really encourage, and I really mean it I hate the one that come back to his/her past, it's not us (read: outsider) to decide their happiness. If past is what you seek the most, of course you can give it another try. You know, people can say whatever and that people include me. But it's you yourself that determine what the best for you to carry on.

Well, if present sucks, you should sometimes turn your head to the back and take a short glance. Might be what lied at the back is the turning point of your happiness. Only God knows.

But still, for me, you should explore the future FIRST. Don't keep the past bothering you and keep you imprison. That is more sucker than cleaning your pet's toilet.

My first cut used to be a reason I scared to fall asleep. The feeling is rather awkward and confusing  When you close your eyes at the night, unknown shadow chasing you. When you open you eyes in the morning, the silent loneliness hug you tightly that you can't breath. Feel want to cry, but the tears refuse to take the flow out.

But now, hey, I'm normal. Heart broken can be a piece of cake if you don't give a damn. But to trust again, allow me to think about it 100 times first. Perhaps that's the reason why the second cut didn't leave a scar. I don't trust and I don't give a damn when he left.

Look forward babe ! Don't stay in the 'past' prison. You should free yourself !

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When you let someone in, it can means anything.

There is always a first time in everything. Include letting someone new in. And all you're thinking, is just the best to happen.

I had someone who had come after a damage occured to my home. But then he left after he add in the damage. Well, thanks to you dear. And congrate as well for destroying. What you had done is a great magnificent art.

I guess above words are hard to be understood. Ignore. Thanks.

The moment you block someone entrance to your heart, you are actually avoiding additional damage. And that is what I was doing. And that is also a thing I had forgot to defend of.

Jerk is always a jerk. Gentleman is always a gentleman.

Don't blind yourself with fake love. Why bother mourning about someone who never recognize you anymore? He move on, get himself new girlfriend, but you? Crying all night. Well, used to be in that situation. And all I can recall, stupid me. Yes babe, holding on to someone who had removed your scent from their heart is definitely stupid and pathetic.

Define me as not believing in love? Sorta. I'm a bit losing to what is love actually. Define love as 'man to woman love' that we're talking about. We're not talking bout family yet. 

Someone right had said, it's not the love that fake, but the human themselves. Had put me into thinking. If you convert it into "Save the Earth" thingy, the concept is there. Human is responsible for all the damage on Earth.

And he's right, it's human that poison the love. Love should be pure. Because love come from God. Anything that come from God is good and beneficial. 

If only I had the gut to trust again.

Another page of letting someone in, you want some changes. And you are hoping this new person can give you happiness; change the sorrow to joy. I had her entering my life, the one I used to ignore the existence. Because I'm not good in maintaining a good relationship. But this lady, she's great. 

She had my trust and for God sake, I am not asking that our friendship last forever, I just let them flow. There are many times, countless perhaps that I always say in my prayer, "I wanna keep this friendship forever". In the end, I think you know what happen next.

She annoys me many times. But none of the annoying matter had drag my love. Because both us knew, why you want to sacrifice something worthy for something not even mean anything. Normal human gets annoy. We're not robot by the way. So until this day, this hour and this minute, I'll be just ok with her annoying behavior. I love you-know-who-you-are.

Lets stop babbling here. See you around !

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I wake up today with bright smile: Nothing actually happen

Wake up with a bright smile today. Seeing Silver (read: my cat) laying next to me is kinda a feel of relaxing. Adore her crazily ! Even she's sometimes a kind of "Mama, I wanna bite you hard !!" and me gonna be "Stay away from meeeeee !!!" type. Yes, my cat is the scariest creature you might known.

It's Sunday. Been weeks that I stayed inside when it was Sunday. But today, nah, got to go somewhere. My company arranging a bowling tournament. *wink* I'll be in my veteren colleague group. Haha. I was actually replacing my colleague, she can't make it as she afraid getting tired of yesterday family day.

I wasn't sure if I'll update you guys of this activity. Cut it off.

I had few nugget left in my fridge. Take it out, throw them directly inside the hot pan. A bite, taste weird. Hey, my nugget seems cooked at the outside but the inside? The cold of fridge is still there. The heck?

I should left it unfrozen 1st aite? LOL at me.

Everyday I wonder, what the best thing gonna happen today? Hurm, I just hope it's not a bad thingy, most important. If any good thing happen, credit to God. He's the best to plan our day isn't?

Had you ever heard a cat playing the guitar? Cause my Silver just did. Ok, not the playing song kind of playing, but she strum the string. In the other words, her play (read: stuff she play with) is on the strings. Just try to imagine it if you can't get the picture. Cause I'm not good in explaining.

I just admit my Silver is sometimes acting weird. Perhaps she forget she is not a human but a cat? She sleep with this human kind of pattern. Maybe it's just normal. But did other cats did that?

I can never deny, my cat is my entertainer. Fight with her, yelling at her, cuddling her. She keep me accompany. The best to happen to me at the moment. And I will be reminded, my life is not sucked. It just had its upside down. *smile*

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Y.O.U

Adakala, kita cuba lari jauh jauh. Tapi ia datang kembali menuntut. Adakala kita tolak ke tepi sepuasnya. Tapi ia tetap mengintai dan menarik. 

CINTA

I will never choose the past, I will be choosing the present. And I am choosing you. =')

Perempuan. Mudah terusik hatinya. Kan? Mudah menangis. Kan? 

Ah, lupakan.

Bercakap pasal cinta dan manusia berlainan jantina, adalah satu perkara yang terlalu tidak terbatas. Senang kata, complicated. Bertambah complicated, kalau satu pihak terlalu paranoid dengan satu hubungan (aku la tu). 

Mungkin ada yang beranggapan, "Cool apa boleh berkawan balik dengan ex". Ya, cool sangat. Kalau ex tu ajak bercinta balik, dan kau pun terima, memang cool la jilat ludah sendiri.

Dalam pada otak aku ada percaturan yang macam di atas, aku cuba untuk letakkan lebih dari 50% kepercayaan yang 'dia' hanya berkawan dengan ex 'dia'. Tapi, biasa la perempuan. Bukan perempuan namanya kalau dalam setahun, hati dia tak pernah bergelodak. Akan ada satu masa, benda yang berkenaan sebenarnya dah tak jadi isu, boleh jadi isu balik.

Blergh. Perempuan sangat.

"Aku cuma minta, jangan didatangkan seseorang yang hatinya merasakan terbeban dengan karenah aku yang  mungkin entah apa apa"

Ada seorang manusia mengatakan, "Lin dah patut kahwin" sebab hati aku asyik sayu. Sayu? Mungkin stress kerja. Dan 'dia' yang asyik hilang.

Maaflah, entri kali ni tercampak campak pulak isi. Lama dah tak mengarang esei katanya. 

"I'll definitely never put you as my priority. Because you obviously put me as an option"

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Our pretty lady with my 5th brother.

These were actually the photos taken while I went home last Christmas. ^^

Ashley is our new niece and this was our 1st Christmas with her. She was 6 months old that time. And she was actually had fever. I found out these photos, well, kinda fun to look at. LOL ~

I miss you baby !

Uncle, you give me that puting, why you open your mouth so broad??

Why uncle? Why? Why you look at me like that?

Uncle, dont smile like that please.. Pretty pleaseeeee ~

Gulp ! That scary. Why my uncle smile scarily like that?

Where's my busu? Oh, there she is, holding her phone as always.

Busu, please help me. Helppppppp. Dont just sit there taking picture !

You are the little angel sent to us, bring the sparkling joy and happiness. God bless you dearie, may the grown up of you will create more love. You'll be the lady that stand up within Lord path, a lady that always believe in God plan. :)

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